A chilly autumn wind swept through Louisville and the multicolored oaks swayed rhythmically as they donated their leaves one by one to the rolling hills below. It was 1:45pm and a 26-year old German man, who worked at a local Louisville restaurant called Der Wiener Schnitzel , had just risen from a THC-induced couch nap started 2 hours earlierMr. Giebelhaus pictured above checking on customers
at Der Wiener Schnitzel in downtown Louisville
during the showcase showdown of the Price-Is-Right.
During this particular showcase showdown, the young man had grown belligerently angry at the television when the first contestant,
an overweight Asian grandmother, decided to pass on a Jeep Wrangler with attached speed boat and boat trailer. Neighbors recall hearing ferocious screams and the violent sound of plates and furniture being shattered against the walls of his modest Lousiville home. Authorities would later learn through interrogation, that this pasty Bavarian chef had always dreamed of driving a Wrangler, towing a speed boat behind him, while wearing his Aviator shades and smoking a cigarette.
He was close to this dream too. For the past two years he had been secretly driving his 2002 Jetta to McNeely Lake, 10 miles outside of Louisville. Here he would park his rusty sedan on the side of the road next to the lake and stare at the shiny white boats gliding across the shimmering placid water with ecstatic children in inner-tubes and waterskis in tow. Sometimes, if a particularly well-matured teen girl was waterskiing he would unbutton his pants and purposely allow tablespoons of drool to roll down his shirtless chest to be captured by his flowing blonde-red man bush. Once saturated with mouth juice, he would begin combing the saliva out with his fingers like a female chimpanzee grooming her young before enrapturing himself and his grizzled leathery nob for hours to the sound of boat engines and Kenny Chesney on the radio. Before climaxing he would wait for the young waterskiier to fall off balance as they inevitably would. As soon as the spry little toddler fell from his perch above the water and made the violent splash into the effervescent pond, he too would release himself on to the steering wheel with a tremendous gorilla-like roar. For this chronically sweaty pedophile, this was paradise.
But like all mentally unstable trespassers of law, Mr. Giebelhaus would eventually slip up.
Yesterday afternoon, after telling his girlfriend that he was working the early shift at Der Wiener Schnitzel , Mr. Giebelhaus drove his femenine sedan to McNeely Lake and commenced his now routine practice while gawking at a family as they carefully unloaded their wheelchair bound daughter from their specially equipped van. As the hydrolic lift lowered the young cerebral palsy affected girl to the pebbly surface below, Mr. Giebelhaus released himself and fountained his holy bernaise sauce upwards, desecrating the Volkswagen logo on the steering wheel. With his man-molasses still dripping down on his now parted lips from the sun visor above, Mr. Giebelhaus fell asleep with his under chin cushioning his massive head like an over-stuffed pillow. Within minutes a mother's scream echoed down the lake as she tapped on Mr. Giebelhaus window hoping to ask for directions to nearby Jefferson Mall so that she could buy the bathing suit that she had forgotten to pack. Before the former head chef of Der Wiener Schnitzel had buttoned up his pants, the LPD had surrounded his vehicle. Mr. Giebelhaus was apprehended without incident and was later posted $15,000 bail by his parents who drove down from Indianapolis as soon as they heard the news.
